I Repent

“We think that Christianity is all about hiding our sin. It really is. And somehow we think if we can just sin less, than we become more of a Christian. You know, the best thing for us would be for our sins to be exposed on the 5o’clock news. The fact is that they have been exposed to Jesus, and he’s already forgiven them. But in reality, I’ll go home tonight and think of new ways to hide my sin from everyone. But community is supposed to be about being vulnerable about our sin so that we can support one another. Please come out of hiding and allow your Christian life to come alive. We are failing to believe the Gospel, we are failing it.” – derek webb

It’s been three years, hard to believe, since I got the kick in the balls type news that a friend was dead. All of us on staff gathered together in a room at camp and our president told us that he was found in his house earlier that morning. Here we were at a Christian camp, living in community with one another and our brother had fallen down a stairwell he couldn’t control on his own. He was so ashamed of his porn addiction that he only  confided in his beautiful, amazing wife and asked her to keep it quiet out of fear of being exposed to our Christian community.

Not only was I sad to loose him, I was mad at him for being stupid (at the time) but quickly became angrier at the camp, and at our Christian sub-culture that perpetuates this damnable idea that our sin should be hidden, buried and suppressed.  What are we communicating to others by pretending to be so perfect, and ideal no one could possibly live up to? No wonder we are perceived with suspicion, and as hypocrites. No wonder no one wants to sign up, we give them nothing real to sign up for. The more we head down this road, the more we betray Christ and His Gospel of Kingdom.

So I repent from this Christendom, I repent from thinking that I can get cured from sinning (I’ve become embracient of my sin as a cancer not a virus).


2 responses to “I Repent

  1. It’s cancer because it’s never gone — only in remission! Heartbreaking … but very clear picture, my friend. Didn’t Jesus say light and darkness couldn’t dwell together? So, if “the structure” is full of sin-hiding darkness … maybe the light just isn’t there anymore? Just a question.

  2. This was a beautiful post. I resonate quite closely with this. Nicely written.

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